Deciding to have a baby

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T H E   N E X T   C H A P T E R

Something tells me things are going to change around this space in around 6 growing months. Yes, to those of you that thought christmas had taken its toll on me, there’s a baby in there – definitely not brie and red wine leftovers!

I love being me, but its time to switch my invisible dad-joker, date night loving, event organising and career focused cape with my superhero in training first-time-mum cape and convert to someone’s mummy for the rest of my life. Thinking about this journey makes me everything oozy-woozy emotional (ok, its probably just the hormones) and determined to document it whilst I still have two free hands.

I can’t count the amount of times I have had the conversation about wanting kids and discussing endless ways in which life would change, ultimately leaving me asking myself the questions, have I fulfilled enough yet, do we have enough money, have I travelled enough yet, have we had enough time as a couple? So here’s my thoughts on baby talk and how we decided that the questions were already answered. 

Jason and I have always been on the same page since day 1 regarding sprogs, which google will tell you is either a child or a military recruit trainee; FYI: in this case we are talking about the babbling, vomit producing squishy thing that will be found everywhere I go, not the latter – although I’m sure Jason will shortly have a list of rules and regulations that the poor thing will have to get used to for fear of being ‘caged’ had training not been successful. Fortunately, this made the whole ‘baby chat’ a lot less daunting. In fact, over the past 10 years we’ve discussed ways in which we would discipline our child and what we would do in x,y,z scenario as well as elements we are most excited about when considering parenthood (if you can say you haven’t done the same then ok mate).

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t worked so hard the past few years so that I could mentally feel like I had done all I could to prepare myself for a family and a never ending battle in Aldi carpark with a screaming toddler as well as 10-thousand shopping bags of food i’m going to promise to make my child eat to only find they spit it out and leave me resorting to fish fingers and beans. Now, I know most ‘have been first time mums’ will be reading this as their eyes roll to the back of their heads considering the fact we have tried to ‘plan’ parenthood. I think I myself would be deluded if I thought I had everything under wraps already, despite not having a clue what is really coming my way.

What can I say, we are a very traditional couple.. we were warned about marrying each other first without ever having the experience of living together, but we knew it would work. At the end of the day, all those living together first ‘made’ it work because if you couldn’t then you clearly weren’t meant to be long before you put your money into bricks and water. Trusting your inner fears of the unknown and knowing you have to grit your teeth and grow through it with the person you’ve chosen and love with all your heart can only result in bringing you closer in the end. I expect this current little avocado sized human to bring us the most unexpected surprises and biggest challenge to date and I’ll hold my hands to say that despite thinking I have it all together – at times I know I really won’t. 

The real reason now is the right time to have a baby? I can honestly say I have never loved Jason more than I do now and I know for a fact its because I look at our life together rather than the individuals we are. I look at what we have achieved since we were just two separate people and how we have created a happy and memorable life even in just the 10 years we’ve chosen each other. I think about how we’ve learnt about sacrifice, compromise and priorities but most of all the ways in which he can make me smile with just the simplest of mannerisms and the reaction it sparks in me that keeps it going. I know that those elements are going to be the glue that can hold and raise our family. We decided to trust our gut on this one, we reached the point that we spent more time picturing family holidays as opposed to boozy Benidorm benders and let nature take its course. Fortunately, we have been blessed with the most amazing outcome and there’s nothing that can describe the feeling of finding out, the image of Jason falling to his knees in balls of tears will forever be engrained in my memory.

I’m going to leave the dose of mushy peas right there and get at least one productive task done at home today whilst the pregnancy tiredness has left me sofa-ridden all morning.

To everyone that has helped join in my excitement the past few weeks, I love you and thank you to anyone taking the time to read my thoughts, I appreciate you all!

Ax

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