To My Teenage Self

bentgeorgia sillyexcuse me whilst i look at my map

Thursday’s here again. Thursday’s in particular are like a mini milestone each week for me, I get that hump-day night feeling on a Wednesday that most get on a Friday as I’m driving home after my late shift, knowing i’ll be rewarded with a lie in and time to myself for the whole day.

Problem is, every Thursday morning I wake up and feel the need to achieve at least one productive thing that day and considering we’re up to date with Line of Duty and much to my disgrace Big Little Lies has drawn to a close, I didn’t feel it would be fair of me to sit in front of the box all day and search holiday activities whilst as Jason confirmed last night – there are 101 things still to be done in this house. For about 30 seconds I contemplated the need to sit down and research politics and propositional manifestos in a bid not to waste my vote as the ‘urgent, do not ignore’ postal package has sat on my kitchen unit for the past 3 days, before the successful candidate of the house won my attention – well done bathroom.

YouTube fired up and sandpaper in hand, on my hands and knees I felt every bit of love for those skirting boards when booosh, there it was; inspiration hit me, in the form of a Little Mix song. How many times have you reflected back upon your younger or teenage years and considered how little you really did know back then? For me, this is a conversation that comes up frequently and as Jason and I got together at 18 we often come across this topic when thinking about the early years of our relationship. We’ve asked the question; if you could, would you go back to those years? ; he would & I wouldn’t.

I didn’t have that many bad experiences and I did ‘ok’ at most things (Jack of all trades, master of none type scenario), had a good circle of friends and worked out a good social/homework ratio, but the more I think back to my life during those years, the more I realise how much I have changed – how much less I thought about others as a teenager in the most simplest of ways, experienced insecurities and became embarrassed easily, but mostly how much I doubted my abilities. It wasn’t until I was about to start my second year of uni that I suddenly felt everything feel a bit easier – don’t get me wrong I have had many stressful moments since that year and some heartaches I will never forget, but for some reason I became quite head strong at that point, I wasn’t afraid to make big decisions and if anything, I believed my decisions were going to be the right ones. I was more confident in myself, less ashamed of showing myself up and over the years I’ve felt really quite happy in my own skin. So, it got me thinking about the message I would send to myself, my niece’s and nephews when they’re a bit older and hopefully children of my own one day, knowing then what I know now and as i’m a lover of lists here’s another to cast your eyes over;

  • There will always be someone jealous of you, someone you clash with, someone making fun of you, someone talking about you, someone above you, someone below you, someone that finds you embarrassing and this will never leave you but out of all of those people you will be surrounded by a handful that truly love you.
  • Communication is going to be your best asset in life; it will get you a job, good friends, keep family close and maintain a healthy relationship. In some ways it may not always be verbal but it will help engage people in understanding you that little bit better.
  • You’ll always be pale, better to accept it now and get on with life through the eyes of casper.
  • (Queue Jason’s input) Don’t do things by half measures. Commit to something and follow it through – there will be rough times with every single thing you attempt in life but you’ll only feel it’s reward once you apply yourself to take time.
  • Gut instinct will guide your decision making from the moment you decide to let it, when buying your wedding dress, when choosing to drop out of university, when walking into a phone shop with full intent to leave with a boy’s number, when standing up to speak at your grandparents funeral when you really thought you couldn’t, when studying a full time degree with a full time job – it will always be there whether you like it or not and my motto is to always follow it. It will enter your head first and everything else that clouds it’s presence is mere temptation.
  • Lows will always occur, but so will memories and beautiful moments.

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