A L I T T L E D I F F E R E N C E
This post is going to highlight that Jason and I have differences. Why? Because it’s important that folk don’t drown themselves in social media and expect the perfect relationship to land on their doorstep or question the validity of their existing one.
For years now, Jason and I have received many compliments surrounding our relationship, to which we are very grateful and proud of this. Many of these compliments include ‘officially the cutest couple ever’ or ‘you & Jason never argue’ and whilst my tummy secretly does butterflies inside to know that people reference us this way, sometimes I wonder if they know we do still live in the same world as them.
. . . I am partly to blame;
Like many, I often share photo’s on Facebook and Instagram of the moments in our life which I want to remember and sometimes I sit down and go through the feed over the years and share a few giggles over them. Alternatively, this can give off a certain perception of the way we live our lives; it’s not always aloha spirit.
Last night Jason and I disagreed. Not for the first time, nor the second but probably the hundredth time in the 7 years we have shared together. I came home after working a 10 hour shift and dinner had been cooked for me. Albeit the curry was a tad on the hot side, we had a lovely meal together. Before we even had chance to clear our plates away, Jason had noticed that our radiator had been leaking and in that moment, all he could do was turn from his calm manner to a frustrated ‘I need to fix this right now’ attitude. He soon realised that it must have been leaking for a while as the beading around the floor had become water damaged and as a result of this had started to soak into the floor boards which he had so proudly laid himself in such a specific pattern that he knew this was not going to be a quick fix. The clash between his immediate reaction and feelings and my blank face resulted in heated conversation between the two of us.
To many of you reading this, it may sound like a very minor issue which did not need airing in public due to its pointlessness and to which you are probably right. But the reason I wanted to post this is due to the fact that during our wedding ceremony, our vicar gave us a yellow piece of duplo (Yes, you read that correctly – a toddler’s version of lego). He held it in front of us just after we made our vows and showed it to our family and friends. He spoke that it was a gift from him to us and that we were to keep it safe as a reminder of our commitment to each other and we are to use this duplo brick as a foundation to our marriage, to only ever build upon it. He followed his speech with the words “occasionally you will witness the romantic side of love, but for the majority you will need to work with practical love”. I remember hearing these words clearly and shared a smile during our ceremony at the fact I knew I would be reflecting upon that line in many years to come.
The point I am trying to make, like many others have before is not to seek perfection from the way other people ‘seem’ to live, but to pick out the positives in each other and spread it around like flu. Jason and I truthfully share 100 times more memories and amazing moments compared to those niggling ones and the good thing for us is that neither of us are ashamed to share that or speak proudly of one another. There is nothing to be ashamed of, every single one of us are different and everybody has room for improvement. The way you parent your child may be completely different to the way someone else does but yet your children may become best friends due to their shared sense of humour or similarities and intelligence. Post the highlights of your life on social media because they are the moments you want to tell other people about and reflect back upon them yourself, but don’t receive them from others and assume that they don’t struggle or suffer. Keep the arguments you’ve had private if that’s what you want – i’m sure when your child grows up and experiences the same thing, you’ll quickly remember them and use it as an example of how they can happen yet you are still very much in love.
So i’ll go back to those references about Jason and I, and say that actually we are quite cute; we fall out and shout at each other, but we never fail to talk about it. Communication may as well have been our only vow to each other because it’s the one thing we’ve promised to focus on throughout our relationship. It’s important to know what each other are thinking or feeling. Loving each other comes easy, so does fighting with each other, but communication is always going to be a necessity and if Jason and I never discussed the fact that the disagreements we have upset each other, I wouldn’t be posting this today.
Communication doesn’t just stop there; children need to be told they are loved, so do your husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, grandfathers, grandmothers & friends. Even when you assume they already know.